A Phone Call in time would have Saved a Life

About two weeks ago one of my friend had a tragic event. His young son committed suicide, while being in a collage, in his hostel. The reason as determined by Police was academic pressure.

The boy had been relegated  for poor attendance and it is said that he was yet again on the notice for relegation for poor attendance. I wondered, what could be such a pressure that made the young talented and smart boy to take such a drastic step.

Agree that the boy felt pressurized due to relegation, may be there were sibling comparisons (with another sibling of his) by relatives, may be he felt it impossible to face his parents with the news of yet another impending relegation. The reason that tripped his mind may known to the poor soul who has departed.

It is said that when one is angry he / she should not act immediately, rather count till 100 and then if the anger still persists, may be one can act / react. May be similar (not the same) act would work for restless souls thinking of such a drastic step. That is, that person should give himself / herself about 12 hours to think, rather rethink over his / her situation. Even better is to make a phone call and let out all his / her feelings, accumulated and building up like a pressure cooker whose pressure release is stuck, to parents or one of the parent to whom this person is close. In a pressure cooker when whistle gets stuck, it is the safety valve that saves the day. Statistically, the safety valve has extremely low failure rate and almost always works.

May be the phone call made at such a juncture is that safety valve that blows away pressure and saves the precious life. Even this may fail but chances of failure are extremely low as it also creates a window of diversion for the mind and  helps in rationalizing the thoughts.

If only the child had made a phone call and talked to some one about his predicament, may be a life would have got saved. 

Sucide by Young People, 'Where are we going Wrong?

The topic that I am blogging-on is a topic of psychology whereas I am an Engineer by training. However, I think life experiences and being a parent entitles me to give my views.

Coming to the topic, very often we come across reports of untimely deaths of young people in various incidences like bike crash, car crash, stunts on board a Mumbai Local (specific to Mumbai),etc. They are beyond  control to a large extent. However, when the news of a suicide of a young person is reported, this unwarranted loss of life makes me very sad. I wonder, why did that child take such a extreme step.

The answer that comes to my mind is that probably the child felt helpless, trapped, back to the wall and without any other recourse. May be. What is not obvious is that how did the child, particularly the ones, who had every one in his family to fall back on, reach this state that he / she had to take his / her life?

There are many factors that have changed in the society from my own earlier times around 1978. Many new facets have got introduced into young person's life. Some are for good and some are for not so good.

The sociologists and psychologists have their own theories based on science. However, the reports of suicides, sometimes even on petty things like Cyber bullying, etc makes me think of  one major factor (though there may be many more). That factor is, lack of physical connect.

Today's child is fully wired. He has Internet, mobile, play station and what not. New age parents, on one hand, bring in pressures of competition at a very young age and on the other, providing more and more gadgets to children. End result is the societal connect and also the family connect is getting lost.

The children no more play out doors (very few do play), a very important factor in developing a healthy personality as also a healthy body (and then you hear unfortunate news of some child dying on the play ground because his / her PT teacher made that child run some rounds of the play ground). The physical connect that is so important to develop warmth among people and competitive sprite (this, in a gradual manner as the child grows) comes from interacting and playing together in a non school surrounding (at home or in the housing society or lane).

Also the virtual reality that has engulfed all of us but particularly children is another reason. The child may have 400 friends on FB but his physical, real friends may be withing first nine digits of the number system. He / She may be chatting to 20 people on Whatsapp but might not have spoken to parents, except few sentences, for some days.

Virtual reality is only that, Virtual. It can not replace the touch, feel and the sounds coming from living beings like real physical friends, parents, class mates etc. The parents also are to be blamed. Most compensate for their lack of time by adding some more gadgets and thus some more virtual reality in to child's life. If only they give more of their time to the child and less to making tons of money! After all one many make tons, may be on top of his organization but the years lost and the the childhood killed in those years can not be brought back. Childhood is priceless but it gets lost.

Even the grown up children of 25 or above age are committing suicide. The reason that comes to my mind is yet again lack of connect with parents and society and therefore lack of confidence in getting suitable response / support to their anxiety / worries from society. Virtual world cannot provide that comfort, it has to come from physical world.

The young ones deserve better from our generation. We had all the fun, played out doors, had tons of actual friends. Virtual is here to stay because technology has made us its slave, but time has come that all of us reserve and provide some physical connect to our children and encourage them also to develop healthy, open relationship with their parents and friends in physical domain.

If they are committing suicide, it is our generation which has to take large part of the blame. Question is, is anybody listening?